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Post by Austine on May 14, 2011 11:02:03 GMT -5
Yeah, having the plot all down is definitely helpful. Plus, I know what's (roughly) going to happen in books 2 and 3 (for whenever I get around to writing them) so foreshadowing is significantly easier. I'm just lazy. And all out of chocolate...
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Post by Louisa on May 14, 2011 15:13:25 GMT -5
Haha, and aww silly chocolate for running out!
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Post by SianaBlackwood on May 14, 2011 22:29:31 GMT -5
At least the virtual chocolate is in plentiful supply...
*hands over a whole box*
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Post by Austine on May 15, 2011 9:26:20 GMT -5
Very true
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Post by Louisa on May 15, 2011 15:10:39 GMT -5
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Post by Austine on May 16, 2011 19:16:18 GMT -5
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Post by Louisa on May 18, 2011 10:33:13 GMT -5
nice
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Post by Niccy on May 19, 2011 16:51:51 GMT -5
I'm a day late, but... [Someone take me away from bannermaker.... I should be studying...]
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Post by Louisa on May 19, 2011 19:07:16 GMT -5
Me, too. HAPPY BIRTHDAY! (since you know I can't make banners)
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Post by Austine on May 19, 2011 19:15:41 GMT -5
Haha Thanks, guys! (Awesome banner, Niccy Your studying time is being put to goo use )
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Post by Austine on May 28, 2011 23:50:36 GMT -5
Alright, so I'm working on rewriting/editing Chosen and for those of you who've read it, or at least the first few pages, I could use some feedback on the rewrite of that (it's not the whole part but I just need to know whether you would keep reading, basically, and anything else you want to say about it):
The black eye stood out against her tan skin. As swollen as it was, she could open it enough to see a smirking Cato staring back.
“‘You won’t hit a girl,’” he said mockingly.
Mama gingerly dabbed a strong-smelling cream around her eye. It stung for a moment before taking a numbing effect.
“There. All done,” their mother said, placing the ointment jar in her apron. She didn’t bother with a warning to be careful—they’d just ignore it.
Standing, she got up in her twin’s face. “Rematch?” she asked.
Cato smiled wickedly. “You’re on.” They ran out and up the hill, throwing punches and grappling before they reached the trees. She kicked out and tripped her brother just as his fist connected solidly with her stomach. Their attacks were controlled enough to avoid permanent injury. At least, hers were.
Strong hands grabbed her dress, yanking her back. Amadeus held her while her younger siblings, Maia and Crispin, wrestled Cato to the ground.
“Aren’t you supposed to be helping Da?” Amadeus asked Cato. It used to be his chore to help Da in the fields but now that he was twenty and unable to pass for younger, Amadeus was forced to stay hidden in case a recruiting squad came through the village. They were coming more frequently to take boys as young as sixteen to grow the king’s army. Cato should have been doing the same but he was too stubborn to listen to reason.
“He’s practically done. By the time I get there, he will be done,” Cato argued.
“If you’d been out there when you were supposed to, you’d both be back already.” Ama redirected his gaze to her. “And why weren’t you watching Maia and Crispin? For Arynda’s sake, Rayne. I found them dancing about in the square, drawing attention to themselves.”
“You sound like Mama,” she said, sticking her tongue out.
Amadeus didn’t falter. “You both need to be more responsible. You’re of age. It’s time you act it.” Swinging Maia up on his back and leading Crispin by the hand, he headed for their cottage.
Running a hand through is dark brown hair, Cato laid back on the still-green grass. Rayne joined him, watching her brother more out of boredom than anything.
There was nothing new to see. They were twins, not identical, but it was obvious. The same green eyes. The same stubborn chin. The same tendency to lose their temper. Together, they were unstoppable, but apart, it always felt like something was missing. Rayne had always grown up with her brother at her side. She couldn’t even imagine being apart for more than a day.
“Let’s go,” Cato said suddenly.
“Where?”
“I don’t know. Let’s just go. Somewhere the king will never hurt us,” he answered.
“You’d leave everyone here? Just like that?” asked Rayne, shocked.
Cato paced in a circle, clenching and unclenching his fists. “We’ve survived this long. Without us, they’d have two less mouths to feed. It’d be better.”
“I don’t want to go,” Rayne said hesitantly. Bolder, she added, “They need us here.”
“If you don’t want to come, fine. But I’m going. I’m sick of this place and the constant fear. You, of all people, should understand that,” said Cato.
Rayne looked away, rubbing her forehead self-consciously. Darkness haunted her heart, its cause a permanent mark on her skin. She was born with those marks and would die with them, a curse on her and any who endured the same fate.
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Post by marsbareater12 on May 28, 2011 23:52:57 GMT -5
While I like the general idea of it, the actual writing seems to be a little bit awkward and slightly jerky. Mostly, the desciption seems to be too much and unnesscary. But the idea is good, keep going!
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Post by Austine on May 29, 2011 18:49:56 GMT -5
Yeah (since I already talked to you in the chatbox) Okay, take 2! (I'm hoping these are getting better, but if not, grr...) (btw, for this version, I would be cutting Lea's PoV as main chapters and instead inserting little one-pagers here and there of her and Neal's PoVs--probably between chapters--so the prologue here is Neal (which you would then learn later)) PROLOGUE His fists clenched at his side as he paced along the castle corridor. Through the consecutive archways, he could clearly see full moon, bright against the black sky. The stars were veiled behind layers of dark clouds, shifting and swirling unnaturally with the wind. A soft breeze passed over his skin, icy cold. He put a hand to his cheek, as if to return the caress. Below the bluff where the castle stood, the tides were changing. What once were calm waters came crashing against the stone, frothing and bubbling. For a moment, he thought he saw scales beneath the surface. The forces of nature were warning them of what was to come. He smiled to himself, returning to his post under the arch. As the sky began to darken, he heard a woman’s scream and the smile grew. Soon. CHAPTER 1 The warning bells never rang in Breetle. For hundreds of years, they hung in the single watchtower collecting dust. Breetle was a small village, nonexistent as far as the rest of Creta was concerned. Yet now the bells chimed with a hollow sound, alerting the village to attack. “Take nothing. Hurry! To the mountain,” a man continually shouted from the tower. He was barely heard over the chaos unfolding below. Villagers ignored him and tried to carry as much as possible, but it was going to be the death of them. They were moving too slowly. Rayne bypassed a couple carting several bulging sacks on their backs, dodging the crowd as best she could while moving in the opposite direction. Her family was well on their way to safety, except her twin brother Cato. He’d been spotted with a couple other boys near the caves. Breetle’s place in the foothills of the Rerin Mountains gave its occupants quick access to the numerous caves leading deep underground. They were a sanctuary during bad weather, or when the villagers were faced with attack—although it had never happened before now. Tucking her skirts in her belt and tying her hair back, Rayne ran toward the edge of the village. She could see in the distance a silver snake moving swiftly toward Breetle. She sprinted down the road, moving as fast as her tied-up skirts allowed. Where the road curved left toward the nearby town of Durome, she followed a worn path right, through a thin grouping of trees and downhill to the cave entrance. As soon as she reached the gaping mouth, she heard laughter and excited shouts trickle out, echoes of the real thing. Remembering the paths from when she was a child, Rayne navigated the twisting tunnels of the cave using the faint glow being emitted from one of the chambers within.
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Post by Louisa on May 30, 2011 8:55:55 GMT -5
A Neal POV? Weird, but I like both
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Post by Austine on May 30, 2011 10:38:26 GMT -5
Well, if I cut Lea's PoV (as chapters like it is now), the reader has no way of learning about that side of the story so by giving little snippets from Neal and Lea's PoVs, they can see the motivation behind those characters--they really aren't that different, at least where goals are concerned.
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Post by Austine on Jun 16, 2011 12:28:01 GMT -5
Well................none of that happened. Neal's PoV is gone, replaced by Rakasha's (again, just short little snippets. Think I'll italicize those parts to set them apart). I've outlined chapter 1 based on a slightly different plot line, although it shouldn't change too much of the rest of the story. I started using Storybook (yesterday, in fact) since it was free. It's really nice because I can track all the different PoVs and on what day each scene occurs, along with the chapters, characters, etc. It's been really helpful.
Which reminds me... must get back rewriting chapter 1!
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Post by Austine on Jun 19, 2011 13:51:37 GMT -5
So chapter 1 has become really depressing--and irritating--to write. Just can't seem to get the wording the way I want it. Might just have to let it go as-is and keep moving or I'll never finish the rest of these rewrites/edits.
Isn't editing grand?
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Post by Louisa on Jun 19, 2011 20:49:36 GMT -5
haha. Poor you. Just make a detailed note of what exactly you want to have in chapter 1, so that you can keep those things in mind when you move on, or else if you change something chapter 1, then you might have to go edit parts over again (which, if your serious, and you are, you'll probably do, anyway, but not on such a large scale as it could be if you don't note the things you want to happen )
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Post by Austine on Jun 19, 2011 21:23:54 GMT -5
Oh, I know exactly what's going to happen, it's the execution that's irritating. Just can't get the right wording. It's not really coming across like I want it to, that's the problem. Stupid characters and their stupid emotions. Grr...
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Post by Austine on Jun 26, 2011 10:48:06 GMT -5
Well, it only took me like 2 months but I'm finally about done with chapter 1 of Chosen (rewritten). Have 2 more short scenes to write. There have been a lot of changes, but I think they'll work for the entire project/series. While I was writing, I also thought of a possible way to start book 3 (I know, it seems like I'm thinking too far ahead but I already wrote the drafts for books 1 and 2 since I'm splitting the original draft of Chosen in half).
Might post an excerpt later...
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